Hey Dan, enough with my belly button!

So I get up on the 15th tee, and Dan postulates... Dave, you hit it great when your belly button rotates... just think about your innie! I proceeded to duff if into the rough 25 yards to the left.  All I could think about was my hairy belly button. I GOT ISSUES! Perhaps I will think about the ball next time! God I SUCK!

Just saying....

A round Sir Dan would be proud of!

Not the score... the time... 2:45 minutes... and the results didn't suck either... Well, perhaps the half sucked with a 47, 39, for an 86 including 4 pars and a bird.  Seriously, a 39... that's almost a golfers score!

Kyle just ordered me my Titleist Tombstone... It came free with a dozen Pro V1s.

Penthouse to the Outhouse

Saturday it all came together for me, name in lights... Sunday I threw up on my shoes for Fathers Day.

Saturday was an 89 with my 20 handicap with most everything made on the back nine... Life was good.  New swing, new clubs. Smooth baby!  Birdie on one, small struggle for the next 4 or 5 holes... but bounced out of it for a net 32 on the back nine. Dan was even heard telling me it might be time to take back all my golf skirts and pull out my shorts!

And then came my reality on Sunday, a Newspaper 97... code for, I should have been much higher. I was given a couple doubles when triple were well deserved. It was gross. I can blame it on the 5 hours of tree work in my back yard on Saturday afternoon leaving my body stiff as hell.  Or I can choose to look honestly in the mirror and see the truth. A nonathletic loser with a skirt.

Kyle | Now that you set me up with new irons, new grips, and a fresh new swing...

Could you please write me a prescription for some very heavy meds.

Thanks

RICC planning more improvements for the turn?

It looks like some kind of clear wind screening between the columns on the eastern side of the shack facing the 10th Tee to protect the tables and chairs on that side of the porch. The only thing that has me curious is why the clear plastic protective laminate was marked as bullet proof.  Hummm.

Hey Tigger... thank you very much.

Your performance at Pebble Beach... made my father's day.

As I lay me down to sleep I wonder if I can finish 18 with 1 ball tomorrow...

...and then I remembered... that is my problem... I need to play with both balls.

The TRUTH on Donald Ross and his feelings about trees and plants on a golf course!

Ross argued that 'there is no such thing as a misplaced bunker.'  For those who have tried over the years to beautify their courses with aggressive tree planting, Ross was keen to preserve wide angles of play. He also knew that hardwoods and evergreens would rob turfgrass of what it needed most:sun, air, water and nutrients. 'As beautiful as trees are, and as fond as you and I are of them' says Ross, 'we still must not lose sight of the fact there is a limited place for them in golf.'

I just finished the Spring Member/Member and my vagina feels great!

Yup, no typo, my vagina feels fresh and ready for another round... but before I explain... a big congratulations to Greg and Dan for winning the low handicap (men's) division in grand style. Another big hand for my partner Craig who may retire today with his big winnings. He won a skin on Saturday, two skins on Sunday, he bet on Greg and Dan to win their division, and he may take a small pittance for our 3rd place finish.

Yes, we squeaked out a 3rd place finish in our division, and had a real chance to get the three points to tie for first. We were in every match going 0, +1, +1, +1, +1, 0, +2. Craig played great, and I even helped on a number of holes. We had a wonderful weekend... drank allot of wine, smoked allot of cigars, and lost allot of golf balls.

To my vagina. The 7 nine hole matches were a great opportunity for me to experiment with my new clubs (I am actually using demos until they arrive,) and discovering my new swing on the tee box. It was that new swing that has improved my privates... let me explain. I am using a new practice routine. Aim, ass out, body square, right hand over left, away from ball is basically the same is before. Next though I take my first back swing and slowly rotate my upper torso back until my club is bouncing back over my head. I take moment to flex at the point to really feel it and then take a smooth swing forward.  Next I take one more practice swing, but swing so hard with my entire body that I practically lift off the ground like a helicopter.  The point of these two practice moves are to make my body rotate and not use my arms to swing at the ball. Finally I set up, repeat the same swing at 70% of the fast swing and only concentrate on keeping my head still, and eyes glued to the ball. I hit it much more consistent than I ever have before both in length and accuracy. Still not long, but much probably 10-15 yards longer than before. So as I stand on the tee box with two holes  left I comment to partner Craig, "Boy, my thighs are really starting to burn badly, I have never felt this before, perhaps its from my new swing."  Craig promptly responded, "...but Dave, you were always complaining that your old swing made your vagina sore!"

Thanks for a great weekend Craig!

Kyle spent a half an hour with me on the beach today.

I would have been better using my $40 as toilet paper.

Jules Olley is accepting applications to take over teaching course etiquette classes.

There will be no further public comment regarding this decision.